Better Than Me
by SilverOwlMalfoy
Summary: a songfic inspired by Better Than Me by Hinder. Awesome song, go check it out! Reviews appreciated c:


_I think you can do much better than me, after all the lies that I made you believe_

She was beautiful, innocent, and care-free. She deserved better than me. Every time I slept with Marlene or got drunk and didn't remember /who/ I had slept with, I told her I was just at a friend's. Then, when she caught me red handed at a party, I put up a brick wall and shrugged her off, sending her out crying. I regret it, I really do. If I hadn't put up that wall, I would still have her. But she deserves someone better. Someone who won't break her heart.

_The guilt kicks in and I start to see, the edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be._

Every night, I get in bed and miss her more. She used to wear my sweatshirts to bed, before I wrestled her out of them. We were in love before I screwed it up, and I ruined myself. Now, I know it's only my fault that I don't have her.

_I told myself I won't miss you, but I remember what it feels like beside you  
_  
I try to fill the empty space in my heart with other girls, but they come and go without filling it. No one can compare to her. There's something about her that I can't get out of my head. Something that made me crave her, but something in me that made me lose her. Every time she came back, I would feel complete, and every time she would leave, I died on the inside.

_I really miss your hair in my face, and the way your innocence tastes, and I think you should know this, you deserve much better than me_

I miss her. No matter how much I deny it, I miss her more than anything. She was so innocent; she deserved to be treated better. Not only did I ruin myself, I ruined her. I stole her virginity, and I wiped the innocence off her lips, replacing it with regret.

_While looking through your old box of notes, I found those pictures I took that you were lookin' for_

Thinking back, Marlene wasn't worth it. She was just temporary. It wasn't worth letting Lily see me practically undressing her in public before we stumbled into a room. It wasn't worth seeing her tears. It wasn't worth every time I brought her over and Lily was there. It wasn't worth it. She wasn't worth losing her.

_If there's one memory I don't want to lose, that time at the mall, you and me in the dressing room  
_  
The first night we met, was at a party. We were both single, and she took her first shot. I guess it went straight to her head, because one thing led to another, and she woke up in my bed. That must've been something strong, to fall for a git like me. No matter how much it hurts me, I never want to forget that night.

_I told myself I won't miss you But I remembered what it feels like beside you_

Skin to skin, lips to lips. Sweat drenched and exhausted. You fell asleep in my arms, and I could still taste the whiskey on you.

_I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes, and I think you should know this. You deserve much better than me  
_  
I miss you, Lily Evans. And I miss our baby boy, Harry. Please come back. I promise I've changed. James isn't the father; he shouldn't be able to steal my place as the love of your life and the father to your son. Yet, I know he would never hurt you like I would. Just don't tell him I'm the _godfather._

_The bed I'm lying in is getting colder. Wish I never would've said it's over, and I can't pretend  
_  
You kept coming back, but I pushed you away. I wish I could given _myself_ another chance. You wouldn't run out of forgiveness, no matter how many times I shattered your heart and laughed in your face. I wish I could go back to that day. I had the ring, I had it in my hand, and the words just didn't come. I got up off me knee and left you for the final time.

_I won't think about you when I'm older, 'cause we never really had our closure  
_  
I wish the words would've come out. I wish I wasn't such a coward. I wish you were my wife, like in my dreams.

_This can't be the end  
_  
Then again, it would start over. All that would change, it would be me taking off my ring every time I left the house instead of sneaking around in Hogwarts. This isn't the end, Lily Potter. I love you, and I will find you.


End file.
